Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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