Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I'm passing your future prison.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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