I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
