I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
