So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
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