best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
