her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
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