ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
