just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
