I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
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