i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Randomize
