he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
