He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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