Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
