john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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