Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
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