Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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