I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Randomize
