I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
