So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
send nudes
from the living room?
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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