Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
