thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
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