There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
