dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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