Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
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