The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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