Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
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You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
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I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
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