My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
