I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
