the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
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