If i could tip my vagina, i would.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
