a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Randomize
