Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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