I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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