on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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