I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
only if we run a train.
done.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Watching her eat just hurts me
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize