Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
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