Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
