i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
