everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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