I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
