Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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