somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I can't put those talents on a resume
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
