When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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