There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
