So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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