I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
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