I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
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My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
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Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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