I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I believe in your delicious
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
