You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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