im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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