i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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