the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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