we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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