My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
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