He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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