a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
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And the cops told us we were all naked.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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