dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I cut my penus on the lid.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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