My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
