R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
