OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
