i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
